Flaws and All

Flaws & All - Beyonce

" I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you

I'm a puzzle yes indeed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day


I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that

I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
And that's exactly what I mean

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me, flaws and all
And that's why I love you "

I think Beyonce wrote this song for me.

Today i had an emotional breakdown. A lot has been going on in my life. Especially with family but within myself too. I'm an emotional wreck. I'm afraid to face myself so i do everything i possibly can to avoid it. It has made me distant with God as well because facing God means I'll have to face all the darkness within me. I'm starting to lose hope in certain relationships and i'm afraid that it means my relationships will end too. Most of all, I'm realizing more and more about how messed up i am and how undeserving I am of the people that love me.

I have to be the most impatient person in the world. I'm selfish and hate to sacrifice. When i'm happy, everyone has to be happy. When i'm sad, everyone has to be sad with me. My ways are always right. Your ways are always wrong. My expectations are never met and even when they are, i want something else. I can be happy one moment and find a reason to get angry the next. I say really mean things. Everything is about me.

I'm probably the worst person ever.

Dear God, Dear Daegyu, Dear Family, Dear Friends,

Why do you love me?

- sharon